Dear dad…

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It has been long six months since I had that terrible phone call from my brother, letting me know you were at the hospital. Six very long months as unfortunately you are dying. Seeing these words written down makes me ill. This cannot be true; you are my dad, my love, part of me. You have always been here for me. Why you? Why now?

Last week you had another scan, which confirmed there were 3 more tumours in your brain. You have no idea what is going on. You don’t need to know. Mum is so strong looking after you every single day from early morning till late evening. She never complains. I wish I could be as strong as her one day. She really loves you and I don’t think I have ever seen any couple passionate about each other so much after being together for over 40 years.

Mum was secretly hoping that the scan would tell her something different, that you were OK. Unfortunately miracles happen mostly in fairy tales; yes I am again turning very pessimistic. Soon after I found out that your type of cancer cannot be treated, I fell into pieces. Luckily your two granddaughters keep me so busy, and soon I had to function again properly, and being a mum has helped me a lot to accept the fact that there is no help for you. I decided to release the stress while training for the swimathon, but now it is over, and I feel the pain more and more each day.

The doctor said that you might live for a few more months, maybe a year. But what does live really mean? Does it count you lying in bed not being able to do anything? This isn’t life, and it might be very harsh to say but maybe it is good that you don’t know what’s coming and some days don’t even recognise mum.

It is a question of time. I know the day will come, and am not ready for it. Who can be? I know that once the day comes I need to be very strong for my mum, as she will need me the most. I can promise I will look after her and take a good care of her.

LOVE YOU FOREVER!

5 Comments

  1. So many tears running down my face. It breaks my heart. So sorry honey x

  2. To read these lines is heartbreaking, I am so so sorry that you and your family have to go through such a painful time. My thoughts are with you all x

  3. I can imagine that you were crying buckets writing this post, i can feel your pain in it. It is so hard watching someone you love dearly being taken from you so cruelly. I wish i could say or do something to ease your pain but please know that i often think of you and here if you need a shoulder (albeit a virtual one until we meet up again) xx

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