Living and dying…

| 28 Comments

Last few weeks have been very difficult for me and my family as we have found out the worst news possible. The doctors were not telling us the truth. My dad’s tumour is so aggressive that even chemotherapy will not help, and nothing can be done. When I heard the news, I was sitting down and just couldn’t believe. It was a huge shock, as we all were staying so positive and we all believe d that after the operation and chemotherapy he would be fine…then just one conversation with a specialist and my world collapsed again!

It was just before Xmas, and we were planning to fly over. To add to our bad luck, my nephew had mumps, and as Olivia hasn’t had her MMR injects yet, we were not able to fly over either. I felt really sad, depressed and just couldn’t believe I cannot be with my family when they all need me the most. We celebrated Xmas, but only because of Isabelle and Olivia, and didn’t celebrate the coming of the New Year at all as for me it will probably be the year when my father dies. I cannot believe I am writing this down, that cannot be true!

We survived Xmas, and hopefully our girls had a lovely time. I was trying really hard to keep myself busy and we managed to do loads of stuff together. But in the evenings when they were in bed, I was on Skype to my mum and bother, and that always reminded me, it all was really happening and I was very sad, hopeless and desperate to go and be with them.

I was thinking hard how to do it, at the end daddy came with a solution that he would take Friday off and look after the girls till Monday. I have to say I didn’t hesitate one minute as that is the best option. I really don’t want Isabelle to se me and everyone very upset. She knows her loved granddad is at the hospital, but of course I cannot be telling her he might be dying soon. I booked the flight for early morning and will be back on Sunday evening. I am really looking forward to seeing them all. I really want to go and see my dad at the hospital. Will I be strong enough? I hope so; I need to be strong for him. I love him so much; he has been the greatest dad in the whole world and has always been there for me. Now it is time for me to be here for him.

I am very scared, as I haven’t seen him since the operation, and according to what my mum and brother say, it will be a huge shock for me. I am terrified I will be just crying when I see him and will run away… hopefully not.

If I had a magic ring, I would wish just one thing… Can you guess what that would be?

28 Comments

  1. Oh Mirka I’m so sorry. I can’t believe they lied to you! Enjoy the time you have left with your Dad and I’m glad you are able to go home to see him. Please let me know if I can do anything. I know how much it sucks to be an expat when your loved ones are home and not well. xoxoxo

  2. Oh no that is so sad….That’s great that you can fly over there…..I hope you will be able to share special moments and thoughts with your Dad/Papa, gain some memories that you will cherish all the rest of your life.

  3. Huge hugs. You might want to think about books you can share with Isabelle to prepare her, there are some very good ones.

  4. huge hugs to you xxxxxxxxx dig deep and find the strength, your dad will not want to see you sad, save the tears if you can for when you are not with him. I’ve tried so hard to do that for mum but easier said than done

    • I know you know exactly what I am going through, and just a shame it all went wrong for both our parents. I will try my best, and hopefully will be very strong. He really deserves that!

  5. Oh my lovely lady, I’m so sorry about this latest news … and I think you’re definitely doing the right thing by travelling to be with your family. I can only wish you love and positivity and I’ll be here whenever (if ever) you want to talk xxx

  6. Big hugs for You Mirka. Go see your dad and hold him close and let him know how loved he is by you and the girls. He will love to know that. It is shocking seeing our parents ill, it’s our turn to look after them. Lots of love xxx

  7. Oh I’m so sorry to hear this :( I hope you do find the strength to be there for your dad.

    xxx

  8. Wish you strength for the coming days Mirka!

  9. Mirunko, budeme se modlit, at ti Pan Buh da silu, slova podpory pro ostatni cleny rodiny a at te zaleje pokojem v dusi, ktery jen on muze poskytnout. Bezpecnou a hladkou cestu do Cech i zpet. Moc me mrzi, ze lekari s vami nebyli hned od zacatku uprimni. Jsem moc rada, ze mas manzela, ktery je pripraven te podporit a postarat se o vas vsechny, kdyz to potrebujes nejvice. Dej vedet, az se vratis a pozdravuj ode me doma, prosim. S laskou a pozehnanim, a velkym objetim. Moc na tebe myslim!

  10. Mirka my lovely I am so sorry your dad is so poorly. Both my parents have passed away and I completely adored them. I do know how terribly sad you feel and I’m sending you a lot of love my friend and our prayers x

  11. I’m really sorry to hear your news hon. I’m sending you hugs and good vibes. You will find the strength you will see xxx
    Sending love xxx

  12. so sorry hun, its a hard and scary time ;-(

  13. Very sorry to hear that sad news about your dad, I know exactly what you are going throw now.The same thing happened to me and my family a year and a half ago.My son wos 2 years old(little angel for my dad)and I wos 2 months pregnant with my little girl when we found out that my dad has lung cancer.He went through 6 chemo,and everything seemed to be ok, he gain weight, his hair start growing, he was in a great condition.We were thinking that this wos over, my dad believed he bid the cancer.His last chemo was in febfuary,and around april and may he startet loosing weight,and feeling bad, stfaight away we went to see his oncology doctor,my dad wos in hospital again, for about 4 times in a one monhs,finally they scan his head, and told us that he has brain tumour, and he will need to have radiotherapy, they send him home, thet wos Saturday and on Wednesday my dad wosnt able to go on his radiotherapy, 4 days and my dadwyos in a such a bad ckndigion could walk by him selve, couldnt talk, but even thag I wanted to go with him to hospital to try that radiotherapy I wos sure that will help,until I spoke to diferent doctor, very honest person, he explained me in what condition is my dad, for wos to late for any treatment, the only thing he could do wos to make sure that my dad and my family will have help and suport from nurses(paliative care), becouse we wanted my dad to be at home (he hates hospitals).My daddy came back home on Friday,and on Tuesdays night he closed his ayes. BUT YOU EMEMBER ALWAYS HAVE A HOPE, miracle can happen, and pray thats really helps.I am 28 years old have a lovelly kids,(my girl wos born in may, my dad has gone in july, I am verry happy that he has the chance to see her, his litle princess) and family,my dad wos a best dad in the world for me, best husbend for my mum, best granddad for my children, and I believe that now he stiil is looking after us.
    I wish all the best for your dad, I will pray for him.And you be strong.

  14. Mirka i am so sorry to hear this news you must be devastated especially being so far away. I think going over alone this weekend is the best idea, your girls Will be fine with Daddy so you can just concentrate on you and your Dad, Mum and Brother. It Will be very difficult but use this time to tell your Dad all the things you want him to know. Some people never get that chance so tell him everything whilst he can fully understand you. Take care, you know where i am if you need to talk xxx

  15. I am so so so sorry for the news. I lost my father to cancer when I was 14. I want to say to you- don’t lose this chance, say everything you ever wanted to say to him, ask him anything you wanted to ask, have all the hugs and photos you wish for, because these are the things I regret not doing enough of. I am sending you brave and peaceful thoughts.

  16. I’m so very sad for you and your family. Sending you vibes of strength x

  17. So sorry to hear this, thinking about you and your family x

  18. Mirka, I’m so sorry to hear the news, I can’t image how devastated you must be. But I’m sure it will give your father so much comfort and joy to see you, despite the circumstances, and I hope you feel a little easier when you see him, too. Sending lots of positive thoughts and wishes with you xx

  19. Mirka I have been thinking of you every day over the holidays. This brings back so many memories for me as you know, but I am always here and talking about it helps me too. I remember trying not to cry and failing, but in the end crying made it all easier for everyone. Mum still wanted to be my mum, even when she was dying.

  20. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. Horrible that they lied. Thinking of you always xxxx

  21. You know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Losing a parent is hard, but you can do this. Children are the best medicine in the world and they help you see the world through their innocent and joyful eyes. Take time to grieve and yes you are allowed to be super sad. With love

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